5 Ways to advocate for yourself at the OB-GYN

If you’ve ever left an OB-GYN appointment feeling like your provider didn’t really listen—or worse, ignored your concerns—you’re not alone. Many patients face bias and unequal treatment in health care, especially in reproductive and sexual health settings. That’s why knowing how to advocate for yourself at the OB-GYN matters. It’s not always easy (especially when you’re in a paper gown on a crinkly table), but it can make all the difference when it comes to getting the care you deserve. Here’s how to prepare, speak up, and protect your peace.

If you're looking for birth control, abortion pills, or treatment for common vaginal infections and don't feel comfortable going to an in-person appointment, Hey Jane can help. We offer 24/7 online intake, virtual consultations via chat or video call, medication delivery and local pickup (depending on the service) and judgment-free support. Click here to get started.

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Medical bias has deep roots

For centuries, medical research and care were centered around men’s bodies. As a result, the health needs of women and people with vulvas, ovaries, and uteruses were often misunderstood or overlooked. Even today, gender bias in medicine continues to shape how symptoms are interpreted, how pain is treated, and whose voices are heard in the exam room.

This is especially true for patients who are Black, trans, or part of other marginalized communities as they are more likely to face discrimination in medicine and have their pain dismissed by providers. A 2022 study in 2022 found that 34% of Black women say their health care provider hasn’t taken their symptoms seriously. In the same survey, 63% of participants reported at least one negative health care experience. For trans and nonbinary patients, the discomfort might start at check-in—if your name or gender marker doesn’t match what’s in the system—and continue throughout the visit if your provider doesn’t use your correct pronouns or disregards the language you use for your body.

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1. Make a plan before your appointment

Nerves, medical trauma, or the vulnerability of being half-dressed can make it hard to remember everything you wanted to say. Writing down your questions and concerns in advance can help ground you. In your notes app or on a piece of paper, write down everything you wanted to discuss. If your mind draws a blank during the appointment, you can refer back to this list and get the answers you want and deserve.

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2. Bring someone to your appointment

If it would make you feel safe and supported, bring a friend, partner, or family member you trust to your appointment. They can take notes, help ask questions, or just be a calming presence. This is especially helpful if you’re expecting difficult conversation topics, or if you've had negative experiences with health care providers in the past.

While ideally, an unclothed patient shouldn’t be in an exam room alone with a provider, hospitals and clinics rarely have the ability to bring in an extra nurse or medical assistant to your exam room. If you’re nervous about being alone and in a vulnerable state with a provider, a third trusted person may decrease your anxiety.

3. Share your name, pronouns, and preferred language for your body

You should never have to explain or justify your identity in a medical setting—but unfortunately, many providers and medical staff don’t get it right. At the start of your appointment, you can say something like:

• “My name is [Name] and I use [pronouns]. I’d appreciate it if you could use those today.”
• “I use [preferred term] for [body part]. Please use that when referring to my anatomy.”

You can also write this information down on your intake form to hand to the front desk staff or on a sticky note to hand to the provider. If a provider misgenders you, correct them if you feel comfortable. If they keep doing it, you have every right to stop the appointment, ask for a different provider, or file a complaint.

To reduce the risk of a negative experience before you reach the exam room, you can search for trans-affirming providers in your area with these resources:

• World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) Provider Directory
• OutCare Provider Directory
• LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory

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4. You can say no or ask for more time

If your provider recommends something you’re unsure about—a test, a medication, or even a pelvic exam—you’re allowed to ask questions or say, “I’d like more time to think about that.” Good providers want you to understand and consent to your care. And if something doesn’t feel right, it’s OK to say no, push to a later date, or ask for a second opinion from another provider.

For many patients, especially survivors of trauma, stirrups can feel unnecessarily invasive or triggering. And research shows that in some cases—like routine pelvic exams—they’re not medically necessary. You can ask your provider to skip the stirrups and conduct the exam with you lying flat, or to explain why they’re needed before proceeding. If they dismiss your discomfort or insist without explanation, it’s okay to decline or find a provider who respects your boundaries.

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5. Follow up in writing

Sometimes you only realize what you wish you had said after the appointment. If that happens, you can send a message through the patient portal or call the office to ask for clarification or share more information. You can say:

• “I forgot to mention [topic]—can you add that to my chart or let the provider know?”
• “I didn’t feel comfortable with [topic] and wanted to express that moving forward.”

Documenting your experience also helps you track patterns—especially if you’re considering switching providers.

Advocating for yourself might feel uncomfortable—especially if you’ve been dismissed before. But asking questions, saying no when something doesn’t feel right, and standing up for your needs isn’t confrontational—it’s protecting your boundaries. You deserve health care that sees all of you and treats you with dignity.

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At Hey Jane, we believe reproductive care should be respectful, inclusive, and patient-centered. Whether you’re managing contraception, STI treatment, or seeking abortion care, we’re here to support you—on your terms.